This is raw truth, this is a diary entry of my life. The lessons I learned were hard for me. They were encoded on my path, I believe they were lessons I was meant to experience. I don't place blame on anyone as my life depends on me.
I grew up living with my mother, I spent a lot of time with my father as well. He's an interesting man, very intelligent. He would speak to me about him traveling with his mind and I didn't even question it. I believed my dad could travel with his mind and it was like a deposit made for my future self. I don't have many bad memories with my dad, he may have said some hurtful things to me as a child but I didn't really let it affect me at least not to an extent where I felt unhappy. I witnessed my grandmother give her love fearlessly to her loved ones which may have mistreated her love. She expressed that sometimes people just say things from the teeth out meaning don't take it so personal. I have seen her give all of herself to everyone and she seemed content with receiving the bare minimum in some of the relationships. She had an inner knowing that these people were so deeply hurt in life that they just need some grace. Reflecting on every relationship I've witnessed and had I noticed the patterns and the cycles I had to overcome not just for me but for my future descendants.
It's okay to own your issues, I know now that I had a very severe case of low self esteem and daddy issues. The relationships all start off beautifully, then the flaws come out. I am quick to cut people off when I know it's not right but then somehow this weird feeling of illusion comes about that I have to just pour love into this person I once acknowledged is no good for me. After repeating the cycle a couple times I noticed my cycle. This last experience was significantly different from every relationship I've experienced but it was the final test before I broke the cycle.
I began to truly heal when I started to focus on myself. I still had these lingering feelings to give attention to these dead connections but slowly I began to release them. Each day they mattered less and every day I knew Laly more. I was active, doing my best to live happily despite the mess that was my emotions. I was learning a lot of new information and focused on my spirituality. I would listen to guided meditation before bed and sleep. One night I seemed to have manifested myself in the body of another being. I had in front of me the sight of a being who I've seen but had no connection to. That first experience was interesting to me I questioned it for a day or two and let it go. A few nights later I dreamed of the same person but this time they were with someone else. These people came into my dream so much there was a level of significance to them. This may sound crazy but I have seen events in my dream for these people and it truly happens. I was so curious on the why so I placed myself into a perfect position to uncover the mask. Deep down I had a notion that indeed it was a lesson but that instinctual bad habit to just go see what it's really about took over.
To give an insight of my mental state, at this moment I know my worth, I love myself but I'm still putting myself in a risky situation. I went into the situation not expecting anything but clarity. I am a person who likes vocal clarity but in this encounter it wasn't needed. My soul knew at sight what it was, a lesson. This was something painful for me to overcome. Every lesson was but this one holds a level of significance greater to the rest. Primarily because it is the lesson that broke the cycle and the first time I experienced my psychic abilities so strongly.
The cycle of emotional imbalance you can call it. I learned that although I may be full of love I can't chase. I learned that in love it must be mutual. We must both respect each other. We must both reciprocate love. I don't have to feel like I'm fighting for a place in anyone's life. I learned that I am an amazing woman and those who know me and value me will know the truest form of love. I learned that proving to myself that I am worthy and lovable is much more enjoyable than to try to prove it to anyone else. Each relationship made me who I am today. I chose to learn. I chose to look at my ugly and clean those parts of myself. I decided that my life is not a pity party but simply a party, a celebration. A journey of many experience and as long as I choose to learn from everything and everyone I will be happy and always propel forward.
Love yourself enough to admit that you make mistakes and try every day to do better once you recognize your mistake.
So this is a sigil which means a symbol that holds magical power lol I read about this before I studied the word of God but it stands for I Am Living In My Truest Most Blissful Desires Daily I Accomplish The All and now I know this is true but only with GOD.