the evening night seems to get colder
heavy on my mind
this is a matter of life or death
no disrespect
aligned or neglect
the mind floods with thoughts of you
thoughts of you here
but i see you there
staring at her ignoring my beware
your departure took a piece of me away
the peace remained
perhaps it was the only thing that kept me sane
who am i to blame
you never understood my lane
nor my pain
but you stayed til you had the money to walk away
notice how i said money
nothing to do with strength
our poverty was the chain
i did all i could do to make you smile
when i saw you frown
i kept us afloat and nearly drown
i did it with a smile
knowing that your departure
will one day free me
so that i can be me
i'm in the mirror now
and i feel alone
this is now an empty home
i knew you'd leave
i expected to be free
being your prisoner shockingly
gave me life to breathe
broke me down til i was weak
every week you reminded me how i wasn't chic
how i was fat & i couldn't rap
i even took the times when in my face you spat
when i caught you hitting lisa from the back
our baby in the other room and you just laughed
i'm in the hallway looking hurt
that's when billy came
he picked me up with 3 words
and they became my strength
3 words and my life changed
"God loves you"
i said thank you but the pain remained
i let the words permeate my brain
he started coming home less
i started to stress less
i had the 3 words in my brain
the money became steady
he got in with the neighborhood dealer
another cheater
and eventually he bossed up
and so did i
we both reached a different height
we grew apart
i knew he'd depart
i felt it in my heart
i was ready for the day
but seeing you happy away makes me fall apart
but then i remember the darts
is it a shame that i wish i was on that ark
make me a dove
make me a lion
give me a pair
i'll even be a stallion
just needing a companion
only for the nights that keep getting colder
i choose life although alone i feel depth
and it's like death because no one understands this depth
see this is just the residue that's left
i wish you the best no disrespect
my strength is all that is kept
my final cry
the final attempt to express
what i have kept
buried in my chest
i'm not hiding im in the mirror with it
this man yeah he hurt my spirit
but "God loves me" so i'll make it through
and i'll make sure a girl like me can hear it
i'll tell them did they man crush your spirit
you can lean on me i wanna hear it
and yes life will never be the same but you remain
beautifully sustained by the 3 words
that ignited my flame
although you'll randomly feel the pain you'll let go little by little and you're no longer feel shame
so let that love runaway
dont run from you
i wanna see you gain strength in the mirror too
later see you smiling with a new boo
have old friends say i can see he's right for you
and the residue paid its dues
now there's no more dust inside of you
and you collect revenue
and have dates at the zoo