it's all a blur
life seems to be made up
this piece of my life feels like beauty
but it also feels like tragedy
my eyes fill with tears
and my heart gets filled with grief
and if you ask me why i can't even speak
i have so much to say
and i feel so cray
like did i blurt that out fr ... ok
i mean
i mean what i say
i'm learning
i question just about everything these days
they say
oh you must be anxious
oh you must be nervous
oh you have some type of issue
and in reality i don't feel it
maybe im depressed
to find out that the reality of this world is a mess
but pointing out the mess makes me feel a mess
and talking about the issues causes more issues
and the understanding isn't there
and i could just cry
not cry because i feel weak
but because so much burdens we carry
and we can't hide
we strive and yet many people only just survive
we all do our best
i mean we all try
but it's not enough
and when you're in groups it's a distraction too
because who in that group even cares for you
maybe one hopefully two some are blessed with the entire crew
but if that's not you i hope at least you
& it's all a blur
my feelings
i try my best but no they can't hear me
they rather take and rebrand it in there own way
hey that's the life of the unoriginal
the fake
i used to dwell on my mistakes
i used to cry at the thought of being replaced
but i truly have faith
like psalm 51:17 says
even through my most smiley joyous moments there's that lingering pain
nothing is missing
nothing is lost
every failure lead you to not being replaced by the king of all kings
for the ladies i know you imagined to be the one to change a man & receive a ring
but without God there's no holy matrimony
take it from me
when we dwell in the sadness
that's what love can bring
it makes you sing
songs like que no se entere
makes you want to cry and hide
and not live a lie
because you don't want to survive
and in the rejection you're supposed to thrive
by getting closer to the lord
but the pain exist
like the feeling of being ugly when your face is full of zits
makes you feel like a forgotten woman
even when the world sees your beauty
and you question is the beauty mine truly
who i was who i am and who i am becoming
is all a blur
it's all me
a evolving masterpiece
a living evolving masterpiece
that can drown you in passion
burn you with truth
ground you with presence
and take your mind on a magic ride
so much
yet it seems like it's not enough
i miss my old life and i love this new one too
i cried then too, i wrote then too, i spoke then too
but now that's all i seem to do
no longer living someone else's truth
just mine to the rawest form
and i love it
i want to feel everything this deep
savor every moment
because i can now
the upside to turning off autopilot is the awareness in the beautiful things of life
i want all the same things
family
that sums it all up
family
🧑🧑🧒🧒🏡👩❤️💋👨🫂🤱🏽👰🏽♀️👸🏽🥷🏼👨🏽🏫👨🏻🎤🧑🏿🎤👨🏼🌾🕵🏼👩🏽⚕️🫂
families can be close
families can be far
but it's still family
tears of sadness
tears of gladness
both heal & cleanse
✟ A PURO DOLOR ✟
"Vida, devuélveme mis fantasías
Mis ganas de vivir la vida
Devuélveme el aire
Cariño mío, sin ti yo me siento vacío
Las tardes son un laberinto
Y las noches me saben
A puro dolor"